Two years ago today my Dad passed away after a long battle with diabetes related illnesses. I sat with him as he took his last breath on Friday 14th August at 10pm. At the time of his death my first initial feeling was one of relief - relief that finally after two horrible years of immense pain and the last few months of being in a wheelchair without being able to fend for himself - he'd found peace. That slowly changed into denial, anger, depression all the usual stages of grief, until I finally arrived at acceptance. Which is where I am today - I have accepted that my Dad, who gave me so much in my 40 years of life and whilst not around for me to see and talk to, is still a guiding light in my life.
It saddens me that the youngsters involved in the riots only a week ago have no understanding of, or are ever likely to, of a family unit with a role model to look up to. I could very easily have been one of those youngsters a generation ago. When I was born I was put up for adoption by my birth parents (I do not know the reason) and placed immediately into foster care. It just so happened that a couple in Felixstowe, who wanted to start a family, weren't able to have children of their own and in the absence of fertility treatments the only option was to adopt and that's exactly what they did. I was adopted at six months old and then they went onto adopt a little boy two years later. My adopted brother David is now estranged from the family but that's a whole another story for another time may be. But let's just say that blood in his case was thicker than water. From the moment his first child came into the world he finally had a genetic link to someone and perhaps felt he didn't need us anymore. Anyway as I said that's another story another time and not one to dwell on here.
I wrote this poem a year ago and today it seems fitting to post it as part of my first ever blog posting. I am currently embarking on a new and exciting chapter in my life and I know I wouldn't be where I am today without the grounding my Dad and indeed both my parents have given me.
In memory of my Dad Anthony David Cole - 21/09/35 - 14/08/09
With love
xxx
FOREVER THERE
Perhaps you thought I never saw,
Or that I never heard,
Or that I never heard,
Life lessons that you spoke to me,
But I got every word.
You may have thought I'd missed it all,
That perhaps I didn't care,
But Dad, I picked up everything,
I was always there.
Without you, Dad, I couldn't be
The woman I am today;
You built a strong foundation
No one can take away.
I've grown up with your values,
Which I'm very glad you taught me;
So remembering you with love Dad,
From your forever grateful daughter.
What a touching post and a beautiful poem that brought a lump to my throat.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad you decided to blog. I look forward to reading more.
xx
A truly lovely first blog, today can't have been an easy day but hopefully your happy memories of your Dad will have helped.
ReplyDelete